Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Women Changing Last Names After Marriage

I just heard that the singer Katy Perry is taking her new husband's last name and apart from not caring too much what she does I think that's great. Here's my opinion: a woman should take her husband's last name after they get married. UNLESS he genuinely has a really stupid name. I'm talking about names like "Doowop" or "Cracker" or "Lamo"; I'm not sure if these are actual last names, but something tells me they are and they should probably be put to rest.

I'm 22; I don't know if I would be considered old fashioned, but I just have a hard-ass mom and grandma that drilled into me that that's what you do as a female.

I feel like I've heard all of the feminist arguments; my favorite being the whole concept derived from men actually owning women as slaves that would take the name of their master. And while yes, I wish enslavement didn't exist, but I just have a hard time believing that that is the exact origin of this practice.

I'm going to quote the Old Testament on this one, but I want to also say that as a Christian I know that we don't follow OT laws anymore, but we still carry some of the traditions. The following passage from Genesis is a common reading at weddings for obvious reasons and comes right after God makes Eve:

Gen. 2:24 - "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Jesus quotes this again in Matthew 19:5, but adding that "So they are no longer two, but one." Sooo "one flesh" or body should have one name. I don't see any reason that a man couldn't take his wife's last name, but I'll explain later why I still don't like that idea.

The argument I'm making is religious and if you're not Jewish or Christan I suppose the concept doesn't apply to you, but let's all remember that marriage is not an practice started by European civilizations or America, but the Judeo-Christian God. So if you've shunned organized religion maybe marriage and name changing isn't for you anyway even though I hear it comes with great benefits. Mmmmm benefits....

My next argument for a name change is unity. Religious or not, a family is united by blood (or adoption). Hopefully, they're all under one roof when starting out. I feel like the one thing that that shows a physical unity of a family is the last name; not your looks, not your house, not the belongings. My brother Jeff and I don't look anything a like, but we're both Pernouds; when people see our last names they know that we grew up together. I just don't understand how parents with two different last names decide what to name their kids. Do the children decide when they're older? I feel like children have identity problems as it is without having to worry about "hmm do I like mom or dad's last name better and which one is better suited for me?"

I realize that some people will hyphenate their last name with their spouse's last name and while I guess that's better, what are the children supposed to do when they get married? Tack on three names after their middle name? It would suck if your parents had long names and did that. "Hello. I'm Jim, but my full name is Jim Lichtensteinzee-Autobonkerhorse and yes, I'm German and I hate my parents." So I say to all of the women who complain about this nonsense, THINK OF YOUR FUTURE CHILDREN!

The same last name taken from the father's side also establishes the man as the head of the household and often times the financial provider. And I know feminists will be up in arms about this too and I realize that women now a days can make just as much if not more money than a man as they should. Heck, my parents are professional equals, but men are just naturally stronger and bigger (NOT smarter); instinctively, they will be the ones to stop a burglar in the house and should be the first person to die for their family in a life or death situation. I guess it just too much sense to me.

That's another thing: I feel like feminists, specifically, aren't taking they're husbands last name because they're a man. Are they like "I'll marry you because I love you as a person, but I hate the fact that you're a man and I won't be your slave so :-p ?" I know I'll gladly take my husband's name when the time comes and I'll do it because I love him as a person and because he's a man (hopefully a good man...with strong arms...and some chest hair, but not too much).

I love my last name and even though I feel like it's a huge part of my identity, I know it's not the literal name I'm completely attached to, but kind of the essence or legacy that I know about my family history. I also know more about my mom's side than my dad's and I respect both, but I'm not about to change my last name to my mother's maiden name. However, I understand that most women who don't change their last name don't do it because they're too attached to the last name they were given at birth. Still, just because I would be taking a new name doesn't mean I'm betraying my roots. In fact, I'll probably talk about my family/heritage/roots all the time to my kids probably to the point that it annoys them (as my mother does me).

I want to hear your arguments and comments in a kind fashion and because there wasn't anything visually relevant for this post, here is a picture of some pretty orchids I found.


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